Divorce Road Signs

At Seasons of Divorce
we help manage the Workflow of Divorce with Dtour

Divorce Road Signs

1.    We have a LEGAL system, not a JUSTICE system.

No one knows what will happen in court except that no one wins.

2.    Do not hire the first lawyer you meet.

Interview more than one lawyer to compare philosophies.

3.    Divorce is more than a full-time job; it is ALL consuming.

Do not underestimate the amount of work required; don’t be fooled into thinking that your lawyer will take care of everything. Pace yourself.

4.    Do not be a passive participant in your own divorce.

This is your family, your business contract. Educate yourself, take the time to ask questions, understand your finances, develop a budget, so that you can make informed decisions that you can live with.

5.    Be very selective about the voices in your ear.

Emotional support is one thing, but stay focused on a constructive process, not a destructive one because of what your friends and family think about your soon-to-be Ex or tell you that you should do.

6.    Do not expect your spouse to make-up or “pay” for emotional pain.

Punitive damages for emotional stress do not exist in family law; emotions are expensive. Focus on a settlement and an exit rather than spending resources on illusory pay-back or punishment.

7.   You know your spouse better than anyone; trust your intuition.

No one knows your spouse better than you do; don’t allow the professionals to dismiss any legitimate concerns you may have. Be the architect of a process that can be successful for both you and your spouse.

7.    Lawyers are capable of escalating adversity with the simple stroke of their pen.

Some lawyers use a writing style in communication with opposing counsel that is rude and condescending to the other spouse. This is not a requirement of the process. Escalated conflict means greater cost and rarely does it lead to a more generous settlement. Not all lawyers are created equal, so while there are family law attorneys who are complicit in needlessly escalating adversity and churning fees, there are many reasonable, ethical, strategic, and solution-oriented attorneys. It is worth taking the time to find them. Do your research.

9.   Temporary Insanity

The overload of emotional triggers is so profound that there isn’t one spouse who doesn’t utter, at one point or another, “I don’t recognize my spouse, this isn’t the person I married” (and if they are really honest with themselves, “I don’t recognize myself”) Try to step back and allow some space for temporary insanity. It is just temporary.

10. Respond, do not react, to inflammatory email, voice mail or calls.

Allow space for reaction. Don’t be fooled into engaging with the bully. The process tests everyone but will ultimately reach resolution.

11. If you are married to “crazy,” all bets are off.

We do not have a system that is capable of protecting spouses from personality disorders that affect another spouse’s ability to compromise or participate in a rational process. Be aware, do your research and consider alternate expectations of an outcome that at least provide an out and an end.

We hope this will help you to navigate the divorce process and to avoid the common pitfalls of divorce.


The materials available at this web site are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Use of, and access to, this Web site or any of the e-mail links contained within the site do not create an attorney-client relationship between Dtour, Inc., dtour.life or any affiliate of Dtour, Inc. and the user or browser.  Any opinions expressed at or through this site are the opinions of the individual author and may not reflect the opinions of Dtour, Inc. or dtour.life.







How do the children feel when their home is on the market?

Have you ever thought about how the children feel when their divorcing parents are selling their home?


Many times the children aren’t given a thought.

How will they feel when they arrive home from school and see a

“FOR SALE” sign in their front yard?


Is there something you can do to make it easier? Could you remove the sign during the hours the child would be home? Talk to the seller about limiting having the house shown when they are present? You could ask the parent that is staying in the home which door the child enters when they return home and put the lock box on another door?

One of the hardest things for them could be having their room organized and someone moving their things…some children are very dependent on things that make them feel safe and secure and can cause them more anxiety than they are already experiencing.

Even when their isn’t a divorce involved sometimes children can be spared from fears that they will be moving.

When will I be loved? Overwhelmed by Divorce?

Divorce is overwhelming.   Emotions will be out of control, it will feel like you will never be okay again. 

You may think to yourself “will I ever find someone that I can love?” Other thoughts may be that you are worthless and unwanted. ” What in the world am I going to do or who do I need to turn to?” you may ask.  There will be hours on the phone with your girlfriend or someone else in your family or a close friend.  It is just a crazy time and irrational thoughts will abound, and panic will set in.  You may think that you just want to run away or I don’t want to live.  All of these thoughts and reactions are NORMAL and to be expected.  If you don’t experience most of these you are a very strong person but having these thoughts don’t mean you aren’t strong it just means you are normal.

Your family will tell you go get the toughest divorce lawyer you can or just take them to the cleaners, get what is coming to you so in the end you feel like you got the justice you deserve.  What is justice?  Who decides what is fair?  Do you want to be in control of that decision?  

Possibly the best step for you now is to find someone who is unbiased and not interested in the end result just because they gained monetarily.  As a divorce coach, my primary interest is helping you make decisions for you personally and your family’s financial future.  I want you to make a decision based on facts.  To be empowered because you know your financial situation and have a clear path and plan to avoid “throwing in the towel”.

If you feel you could benefit from having a “thinking partner” by your side throughout and beyond the divorce process contact me for a free discovery session.

Message me at 859-644-9024 or




Can I Keep the House When I Divorce? That Depends…..

When you are considering or in the beginning seasons of divorce you may wonder if you can keep the house.  That will depend on some factors, But either way you should keep it for the right reasons.  Don’t get me wrong I totally get why you would want to, you may have raised your children there or you are just really attached to your marital home or you may just want to stick it to your soon to be Ex.  BUT is it really the right choice for you after the Divorce is final.  Here are some things you need to consider:


There are some documents you need to find but the first one is your mortgage  and your latest statement.




You need a copy of your Deed to make sure how it is titled.

Has it been appraised?  If so you need a copy of that to determine the value. Property Condition will affect the value, there are other factors that might need to be investigated as well like market conditions.  As a Divorce Coach who specializes in Real Estate I will give you answers to these concerns.



There are other considerations to think about  too; such as, can I afford to make the payments on my own after the Divorce?  Or how much will I have to pay my ex in the Divorce Property Settlement and will I have to refinance it.  This is a good time to consult a Loan Officer before the Divorce Papers are signed.


This can be a daunting or overwhelming task especially when you are dealing with all the emotions of a Divorce.

We can offer FREE help click here


You should consider a Home Inspection sometime before Divorce Mediation concerning the Property Settlement

by a licensed inspector BEFORE you agree to any property settlement.  After you sign the property settlement divorce agreement or go before the Family Law judge it may not be admissible.

Choose Your TEAM


Is Healing your goal? How do you get there?

Bible Study Proverbs 31 Ministry “Univited”

From the book Univited by Lysa Terkeurst

They say time heals-and I think this can be true-but only if that’s truly the goal here: healing. Time grows the seeds that are planted, watered, and fertilized. Plant beauty, grow beauty. Plant thorns, grow thorns. Time will allow for either…Bitterness, resentment, and anger have no place in a heart as beautiful as yours.
(TerKeurst, page 68)

You have been betrayed, hurt, abandoned….yes, no question some or all of these things are true BUT, what if you can write a different sentence in your story of divorce?

We can when we:

  • Speak with honor in the midst of being dishonored
  • Speak with peace in the midst of being threatened
  • Speak of good things in the midst of a bad situation
  • Be obedient to, trust and believe God and let Him take control of our contrary feelings


People who care more about being right than ending right prove just how wrong they were all along. (TerKeurst, page 68)

I have read this book and it spoke to me with every page and chapter, now I am leading a weekly bible study using the DVD and study guide with this book….during the study I am discovering that every time I felt rejected before and during my divorce I could have rewritten the timeline if I had applied these things to my emotions.

This is one of the reasons I have been lead to develop a pathway for others in all seasons of divorce to come along side and be your “thinking partner” helping to answer questions you didn’t know to ask.

A Divorce Coach is  your “thinking” partner –helping you navigate the unknowns of divorce while creating a road map to resolution.


Great resource click here to listen to Divorce Coach Sandra Lee