Divorce is overwhelming. Emotions will be out of control, it will feel like you will never be okay again.
You may think to yourself “will I ever find someone that I can love?” Other thoughts may be that you are worthless and unwanted. ” What in the world am I going to do or who do I need to turn to?” you may ask. There will be hours on the phone with your girlfriend or someone else in your family or a close friend. It is just a crazy time and irrational thoughts will abound, and panic will set in. You may think that you just want to run away or I don’t want to live. All of these thoughts and reactions are NORMAL and to be expected. If you don’t experience most of these you are a very strong person but having these thoughts don’t mean you aren’t strong it just means you are normal.
Your family will tell you go get the toughest divorce lawyer you can or just take them to the cleaners, get what is coming to you so in the end you feel like you got the justice you deserve. What is justice? Who decides what is fair? Do you want to be in control of that decision?
Possibly the best step for you now is to find someone who is unbiased and not interested in the end result just because they gained monetarily. As a divorce coach, my primary interest is helping you make decisions for you personally and your family’s financial future. I want you to make a decision based on facts. To be empowered because you know your financial situation and have a clear path and plan to avoid “throwing in the towel”.
If you feel you could benefit from having a “thinking partner” by your side throughout and beyond the divorce process contact me for a free discovery session.
When you are considering or in the beginning seasons of divorce you may wonder if you can keep the house. That will depend on some factors, But either way you should keep it for the right reasons. Don’t get me wrong I totally get why you would want to, you may have raised your children there or you are just really attached to your marital home or you may just want to stick it to your soon to be Ex. BUT is it really the right choice for you after the Divorce is final. Here are some things you need to consider:
$ KNOW WHAT YOU OWE
There are some documents you need to find but the first one is your mortgage and your latest statement.
♠ KNOW WHAT YOU OWN
You need a copy of your Deed to make sure how it is titled.
Has it been appraised? If so you need a copy of that to determine the value. Property Condition will affect the value, there are other factors that might need to be investigated as well like market conditions. As a Divorce Coach who specializes in Real Estate I will give you answers to these concerns.
¿ KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING STUCK WITH
There are other considerations to think about too; such as, can I afford to make the payments on my own after the Divorce? Or how much will I have to pay my ex in the Divorce Property Settlement and will I have to refinance it. This is a good time to consult a Loan Officer before the Divorce Papers are signed.
This can be a daunting or overwhelming task especially when you are dealing with all the emotions of a Divorce.
We can offer FREE help click here
¿ KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING STUCK WITH
You should consider a Home Inspection sometime before Divorce Mediation concerning the Property Settlement
by a licensed inspector BEFORE you agree to any property settlement. After you sign the property settlement divorce agreement or go before the Family Law judge it may not be admissible.
Shari Frasure has just been certified by Sandra Lee, founder of Emerge Victorious and professional Training for
Divorce Coaching. Sandra Lee is a renowned Divorce Coach, author and speaker who shares her experience with others to prepare them to come along side divorcing individuals, couples and families to make way for a kinder and a better way to live separate lives in the future.
Divorce Coaching helps navigate your divorce process, thus reducing stress, anxiety and feelings of being alone in this foreign territory of divorce.
honor your feelings of grief and anger over the many losses that result from your divorce.
find appropriate sources of emotional support to replace ones you have lost.
learn how to reduce your anxiety and stress as you make decisions about your future.
manage the strong emotions that are a natural part of this process.
understand the other partner’s outlook on an issue even if you don’t agree with it.
identify what each of you does that triggers the other to react negatively.
Legal process issues – A Divorce Coach can help you…
interview and hire an attorney who is best suited for your case and your specific needs.
explain and discuss the many process options (collaborative law, mediation, private mediation, litigation) available from a perspective that doesn’t seem as intimidating as when you hear them from an attorney.
clarify and articulate to your spouse and attorney the personal goals and value you want reflected in the divorce settlement.
stay accountable to the goals you have set for your future and that of your children.
stay focused on working toward win-win solutions, both short and long term.
Co-parent issues – A coach can help you with…
learn how to communicate with your ex-spouse and now co-parent in the best interests of your children.
create a foundation for co-parenting that enables you to act in the best interests of your children
.negotiate terms of your co-parenting plan both during the divorce and in later years as needs change.
Divorce is more than a legal process. Divorce is a major life transition with many complexities. Couples don’t know – what they don’t know – and they are called to make major decisions that affect themselves and their children now and into their future. However, people are not usually functioning at their best wise-minded selves during divorce. Very strong divorce emotions (anger, hurt, disappointment, regret…) influence their decision making abilities. The fears such as – will I have enough money to live, will my kids be ok, how do I reconcile a divorce with my faith beliefs, will I ever find anyone to love me and the fears keep on coming. If that isn’t enough, well-intended family and friends begin offering advice about what you should or shouldn’t do – who you should or shouldn’t hire. These people are more than qualified to love and support you but not qualified to help you navigate your divorce process.
A Divorce Coach helps a client do just that – navigate your divorce process, thus reducing stress, anxiety and feelings of aloneness in this foreign territory of divorce.
They say time heals-and I think this can be true-but only if that’s truly the goal here: healing. Time grows the seeds that are planted, watered, and fertilized. Plant beauty, grow beauty. Plant thorns, grow thorns. Time will allow for either…Bitterness, resentment, and anger have no place in a heart as beautiful as yours. (TerKeurst, page 68)
You have been betrayed, hurt, abandoned….yes, no question some or all of these things are true BUT, what if you can write a different sentence in your story of divorce?
We can when we:
Speak with honor in the midst of being dishonored
Speak with peace in the midst of being threatened
Speak of good things in the midst of a bad situation
Be obedient to, trust and believe God and let Him take control of our contrary feelings
People who care more about being right than ending right prove just how wrong they were all along. (TerKeurst, page 68)
I have read this book and it spoke to me with every page and chapter, now I am leading a weekly bible study using the DVD and study guide with this book….during the study I am discovering that every time I felt rejected before and during my divorce I could have rewritten the timeline if I had applied these things to my emotions.
This is one of the reasons I have been lead to develop a pathway for others in all seasons of divorce to come along side and be your “thinking partner” helping to answer questions you didn’t know to ask.
A Divorce Coach is your “thinking” partner –helping you navigate the unknowns of divorce while creating a road map to resolution.
I know this isn’t the right season but still thought it was worth sharing, be encouraged!
“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” Daphne Rose Kingma
Fall season is absolutely beautiful here in the Carolinas where I live. I always look forward to seeing the changing season with vibrant and intense colors as the leaves change into some of the most beautiful scenery imaginable. These leaves don’t hang around long though and over a short time the trees begin letting go of their beautiful colors and leaves. I wish they would stay around longer, but God so wisely created the trees – he knew the old would have to fall for the new to grow.
Divorce certainly leaves you with no shortage of emotions, attitudes, hurt and disappointments. For most people letting go of these isn’t easy. However, holding onto the negative parts of the divorce will not allow you room to grow new hopes and memories.
Today as you celebrate Fall and watch some leaves fall to the ground, I encourage you to think about what has taken up roots in your soul that are no longer serving you well. What could come into your life if you begin letting go of (you fill in the blank) and choose to open your schedule, your attitude, your heart, your mind and your eyes. Remember, you have to let go of some things to make room for the new life you are building.
Isaiah 43: 18-19 says “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”