Will I receive alimony after the divorce is done?

Will I receive alimony after the divorce is done? Seasons of Divorce's Shari Frasure, Divorce Coach

I’ve been married for over 30 years. I worked to support him in getting his college degree. I raised our 2 children and supported his business by working there. The household chores and financial responsibilities were taken care of for over 30 years by me. My divorce lawyer said I’d receive alimony.  

I had to work as a real estate agent just to have extra discretionary income, which was not appreciated. Everything I did was unimportant. It didn’t matter. 

If he had decided to not pay maintenance, he could retire after a while. Even if I got awarded maintenance didn’t mean the money would come. It’s the same with unpaid child support. 

What is alimony?

Alimony, or maintenance, is the financial support awarded from one spouse to the other after the end of the marriage. Different states use different terms, but they are legally the same things. 

With no-fault divorces, alimony seemed like it was more of a punishment to the payer. Like the name change from divorce courts to family law, alimony had a similar negative sound that the legal system is trying to drop.

Will I receive alimony?

That depends. We used to expect women that had been married for a long time, raised children, and didn’t work outside of the home would receive maintenance.

I had all the checkboxes checked. I was going to get a large amount of money on a regular basis. He wanted to pay a smaller lump sum payment instead. I had the judge decide since we didn’t agree in mediation.

He could return to court to have the alimony payments adjusted if he retired. At 50, how am I going to go and start over a career when I have invested all my efforts into our family. His small payment was just not reasonable. 

Alimony is cut off if you remarry. That’s the normal maintenance limitation.

Well, In hindsight, I shouldn’t have done that because the judge gave me nothing. Even though I had all the big boxes checked. My divorce lawyers advised me that if the judge didn’t give me a reasonable amount of maintenance, I’d have a good case for appeal. 

It’s hard. I know this also happens to women even in their 60s and 70s. It happens to many, many people I know. I really get upset about it on their behalf because they’re not prepared for it.

This is why I became a divorce coach. It’s disturbing to think of what can happen in the family court system. There is hope here but you need to know these things.

Should I appeal the alimony decision?

I went to appeal and they just agreed with the family court judge. So I went through a lot of time and money. Nothing when I could have gotten it resolved and over within mediation If I had known. 

So there’s the problem. Even if your attorney says so, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to happen. So you need to be aware of that. 

Everybody assumed that I was going to get maintenance because of my situation. I didn’t get any maintenance, so don’t assume you’re going to get it. 

Beware the family court system

But anything that’s decided in a divorce court is at the judges’ discretion. And they can support their decision if they want to because there are very few people that are going to hold them accountable for it. 

Because the reality is the whole family court system is made up of attorneys and judges that all support each other. They don’t backstab usually. It’s even worse if you’re in a small district because you don’t have many people to complain to. 

There’s a documentary called Divorce Corp. It’s an eye-opener and it’s disgusting. Judges have thrown people in jail for saying anything about what they’ve done to their family. It’s unjust and it’s sickening. It’s really, really bad. 

But that’s the reality of it. None of us have any clue until we’re in the middle of it.

Summary

No matter how bad the divorce process seems, the best situation is in reaching an agreement during your mediation. If that isn’t an option, regardless of what your divorce lawyer says, you may find yourself without any alimony in the end.

Not sure what other issues might come up in your divorce case? Get a list of the questions to ask a divorce lawyer sent to your email.




How long does a divorce take?

How long does divorce take with Seasons of Divorce, Shari Frasure, Divorce Coach

When you start talking to other people who’ve gone through a divorce, it doesn’t take long for the question to come up. How long did your divorce take?

Well, thank you for asking. My divorce was over the course of a year and a half. We went through the separation, divorce process, mediation process, and appeals process. It was well over 2 years from our separation to the finalized divorce.

But you’re looking for some idea of what to expect. For some realistic expectations, right? The answers come back and every one of them is different. That doesn’t help. 

How long does a divorce take?

It depends. 

There are many factors that would determine how long it takes. There’s no easy answer. Besides, the question you really want to ask is how long your divorce will take? The answer is unique to each relationship. I mean, I really couldn’t answer that question. 

No one can. Anyone telling you otherwise isn’t considering the uniqueness of your divorce case.

A simple divorce in the United States involves a filed divorce petition followed by a hearing then a divorce decree is issued. Filing can take just a couple of days. Please, don’t try this without legal representation if you have children or other significant property.

Determine how you’re going to hire a divorce lawyer. 

I suggest a few questions in another blog post called, “What to ask a divorce lawyer at the first meeting?” One of those should be about how much is the divorce lawyer costs.

Divorce lawyers can provide their estimates for rates, but that still doesn’t determine how long the divorce case would take. There’s just no way to determine that. 

All you can do is get some kind of ideal estimate of what your divorce lawyer charges. They’ll be able to guide you on what you need to do until you were into the case.

Is there an average of how long a divorce might take?

It varies by jurisdiction. There are 2 levels of jurisdictions: state and city. 

Each divorce lawyer will charge different rates and you may never need to actually go to court. You can’t know in advance if you ever need to go to court. 

What kind of divorce will you have?

Divorce types are just one factor in finding how long divorce takes. You can divorce in mediation and have different costs with collaborative divorce lawyers. 

If you’re in a small district, I recommend a collaborative divorce because it can be much faster. Judges may listen to hearings in multiple jurisdictions. This then limits their availability in the schedule.

If you or your divorce lawyer gets the paperwork filed on time, then you can get put on the court’s docket, a list of court cases. 

What if something goes wrong?

The judge can get sick. You may not make it to court. What if for some reason the paperwork doesn’t get filed on time? You’d need to wait for the next opening in the schedule. That could be 3 months of waiting to do something.

Collaborative divorces and mediation can eliminate the judge entirely. Each divorce case is different. 

If you have an uncooperative spouse fighting you, you know they’re not interested in cooperating. That makes the divorce take longer. 

A lot of court systems will require at least one mediation. Many times, it only takes one but it may drag out.

How long does divorce mediation take? 

Mediations can vary too. You schedule your meetings with your spouse, each of your divorce lawyers, and the third-party mediator. They take whatever time the meeting takes. They can be quick or drag out. 

I recommend working collaboratively in mediation. It’s always going to be easier to work with your spouse but things can still get delayed by the coordination needs.  

Is there a minimum length of time for a divorce? 

What’s the starting point? This answer would depend on where you’re located and how many divorce lawyers you or your spouse have.

Collaborative divorce lawyers work to get everyone cooperating with one another. Best case, the mediation may be a minimum of 2 hours. It still takes several months before the divorce is finalized. 

A more realistic expectation is that mediation could take an entire day. It varies according to what you and your spouse have to go over. Large purchases and children don’t require as much time for mediation as shared businesses and other assets.

My divorce mediation took several hours over 2 meetings. Our discussions included our real estate, businesses and other assets. 

Summary

So how long does divorce take? It depends. There’s your answer. There is no answer. Unfortunate but true. It depends on court jurisdiction procedures, the cooperation of all involved and local laws. 

Your divorce case could be easy but that doesn’t mean it goes smoothly. The divorce process can hit a few snags beyond anyone’s control and it can’t be helped. You’ll need to be as flexible as when your drive includes a road closure on your planned route. 

On the other hand, your divorce could be messy. It can get messier than a car accident leading to a truck spilling hagfish over the road and cars causing traffic to stop dead in its tracks. 

There is no way of predicting how your divorce case will proceed so there is no way of predicting how long your divorce might take. 

Are you looking for a good divorce lawyer? Get a list of questions you should ask sent to your email. Just let me know where to send it below.




What to ask a divorce lawyer at the first meeting?

What to ask a divorce lawyer, questions to ask a divorce lawyer on first meeting with Seasons of Divorce Shari Frasure, Divorce Coach

I divorced a while ago and have since moved forward in my life. During my divorce process, I learned a lot about divorce lawyers, the court proceedings, and what to do at each stage. I wish I had this list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer when first meeting.

The overwhelming feelings after you find out or ask for a divorce can lead to misguided directions and well-meaning, ill-advice from friends and family. 

Before we get to interviewing the divorce lawyer, we must understand your goals. How do you want your divorce to be handled and what factors might come up in the divorce process?

What to ask yourself before interviewing divorce lawyers?

These questions will help you to determine what style of lawyering you want to engage with during the divorce process. It’ll also help you to define the kind of service you expect from your divorce lawyer.

Questions to ask about you and your spouse.

How will your spouse deal with the prospect of divorce after the initial emotional impact has diminished? Will they be a bully, a my-way-or-the-highway negotiator or will they try to be fair and listen to all sides before making a decision? 

How do you want to look back and remember how you were during the divorce process? Do you want to be seen as angry and emotional or as someone who is reliable and a good communicator? Do you want to model effective behavior to others, your children, your family, or your community? How so?

How do you want to redefine the relationship with your spouse after the divorce is over? Will you be co-parents, former spouses now still loyal to both of your families or will you cut all ties with his family and the communities you shared together? 

About You and Your Divorce Lawyer

What are you most afraid of during the divorce process? How would you expect the lawyer to help you with this? 

Do you want to be a reliable client who partners with the divorce lawyer or do you want to give the power of decision making over to your lawyer and let them loose? Do you want to be a partner with that person or just have them lead the process? Are you looking to win the divorce process? 

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your lawyer? What is important to you in any business relationship? Do you want top-notch Cadillac service or do you want options as to how you can use their services more cost-effectively? 

What to ask a divorce lawyer when you first meet?

These questions will help you to determine what style, reputation, services and fees you can expect from the potential divorce lawyer you’re considering hiring. This helps you find and move forward with the kind of service you expect from your divorce lawyer.

Lawyer Style and Reputation

  • Do you have a philosophy about divorce that underscores your practice?
  • What process for divorce do you most often engage in (Collaborative, Mediation, Litigation)?
  • How would another lawyer describe your style and approach to getting to a settlement?
  • How would your clients describe your style and approach to getting to settlement?
  • Who is your ideal client, besides the one who pays their bills?
  • How does your ideal client conduct themselves during the divorce process?
  • Do you pay close attention to my financial and time constraints, my temperament, and my attitudes toward conflict?  How do you determine what those are?
  • What would others say about what you are like to work with?

What Kinds of Service Can I Expect

  • How will we work together?
  • How available will you be for me?
  • Will I have your cell phone number?
  • Will you personally respond to my emails?
  • Do I actually work with you or with an associate?
  • How would I, as a client, get a question answered without an appointment with you?
  • Are there others in the firm who would be familiar with my case and could answer questions when you’re not available?
  • What is your preferred method of communicating questions?
  • How can I best prepare for meetings that will be the most cost effective for me?
  • Are you okay with your clients using a divorce coach?
  • What is your role in bringing about the settlement?
  • Before charting a particular course, do you perform a corresponding evaluation of the other side?

Fees for Your Services

  • Will you do either/or unbundled legal services versus retainer only?
  • How much is your retainer?
  • What is your hourly rate?
  • What are all of the transactions I’ll be billed for?
  • Will I be billed for emails?  By the question?
  • How do you prefer payment be made (credit card, check, etc.)?

To end the interview

  • What else should I be asking you so that I’m confident we are a good match for representing me?
  • What else do you need to know so that you can assess whether I’m a good fit for your firm?

Questions are great. But what you need is an easy resource to have on hand when you talk to a divorce lawyer for the first time. Tell me where I can send your free PDF so that you know what to ask a divorce lawyer when you need the information handy.




What to ask a divorce lawyer at the first meeting?

What to ask a divorce lawyer, questions to ask a divorce lawyer on first meeting with Seasons of Divorce Shari Frasure, Divorce Coach

What to ask a divorce lawyer at the first meeting?

 

I divorced a while ago and have since moved forward in my life. During my divorce process, I learned a lot about divorce lawyers, the court proceedings, and what to do at each stage. I wish I had this list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer when first meeting.

 

The overwhelming feelings after you find out or ask for a divorce can lead to misguided directions and well-meaning, ill-advice from friends and family.

 

Before we get to interviewing the divorce lawyer, we must understand your goals. How do you want your divorce to be handled and what factors might come up in the divorce process?

What to ask yourself before interviewing divorce lawyers?

 

These questions will help you to determine what style of lawyer you want to engage with during the divorce process. It’ll also help you to define the kind of service you expect from your divorce lawyer.

Questions to ask about you and your spouse.

How will your spouse deal with the prospect of divorce after the initial emotional impact has diminished? Will they be a bully, a my-way-or-the-highway negotiator or will they try to be fair and listen to all sides before making a decision?

 

How do you want to look back and remember how you were during the divorce process? Do you want to be seen as angry and emotional or as someone who is reliable and a good communicator? Do you want to model effective behavior to others, your children, your family, or your community? How so?

 

How do you want to redefine the relationship with your spouse after the divorce is over? Will you be co-parents, former spouses now still loyal to both of your families or will you cut all ties with his family and the communities you shared together?

About You and Your Divorce Lawyer

What are you most afraid of during the divorce process? How would you expect the lawyer to help you with this?

 

Do you want to be a reliable client who partners with the divorce lawyer or do you want to give the power of decision making over to your lawyer and let them loose? Do you want to be a partner with that person or just have them lead the process? Are you looking to win the divorce process?

 

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your lawyer? What is important to you in any business relationship? Do you want top-notch Cadillac service or do you want options as to how you can use their services more cost-effectively?

What to ask a divorce lawyer when you first meet?

These questions will help you to determine what style, reputation, services and fees you can expect from the potential divorce lawyer you’re considering hiring. This helps you find and move forward with the kind of service you expect from your divorce lawyer.

Lawyer Style and Reputation

  • Do you have a philosophy about divorce that underscores your practice?
  • What process for divorce do you most often engage in (Collaborative, Mediation, Litigation)?
  • How would another lawyer describe your style and approach to getting to a settlement?
  • How would your clients describe your style and approach to getting to settlement?
  • Who is your ideal client, besides the one who pays their bills?
  • How does your ideal client conduct themselves during the divorce process?
  • Do you pay close attention to my financial and time constraints, my temperament, and my attitudes toward conflict?  How do you determine what those are?
  • What would others say about what you are like to work with?

What Kinds of Service Can I Expect

  • How will we work together?
  • How available will you be for me?
  • Will I have your cell phone number?
  • Will you personally respond to my emails?
  • Do I actually work with you or with an associate?
  • How would I, as a client, get a question answered without an appointment with you?
  • Are there others in the firm who would be familiar with my case and could answer questions when you’re not available?
  • What is your preferred method of communicating questions?
  • How can I best prepare for meetings that will be the most cost effective for me?
  • Are you okay with your clients using a divorce coach?
  • What is your role in bringing about the settlement?
  • Before charting a particular course, do you perform a corresponding evaluation of the other side?

Fees for Your Services

  • Will you do either/or unbundled legal services versus retainer only?
  • How much is your retainer?
  • What is your hourly rate?
  • What are all of the transactions I’ll be billed for?
  • Will I be billed for emails?  By the question?
  • How do you prefer payment be made (credit card, check, etc.)?

To end the interview

  • What else should I be asking you so that I’m confident we are a good match for representing me?
  • What else do you need to know so that you can assess whether I’m a good fit for your firm?

 

Questions are great. But what you need is an easy resource to have on hand when you talk to a divorce lawyer for the first time. Tell me where I can send your free PDF so that you know what to ask a divorce lawyer when you need the information handy.




 

Change the Story of Divorce 

This divorce process is causing you to feel worried about your future. You’re afraid of making a mistake and falling into a trap because you don’t know what you don’t know. You need help navigating the whole divorce process so you can create a favorable outcome for your financial future. Continue reading “What to ask a divorce lawyer at the first meeting?”

Do Judges Interpret The Law The Same in Divorce?

 

Let Seasons of Divorce keep you on track to a the favorable outcome with the dtour life app

 

 

 

Divorce and Community Property

3,142 counties equals 3,142 different flavors of divorce. This is your divorce – don’t let it happen to you

Storey Jones

Everyone starts a legal consultation asking the same questions in a variety of ways, “How much will I get?” or “How much will I have to give?” “How can I keep the house?” “What do we do about the debt?” or, “Well clearly since he/she (fill in the blank) drinks, uses drugs, is absentee, stopped working, is depressed, spends all the money… then I will get what I ask for, right?”

The biggest surprise of all is that no one really knows for sure. If you listen carefully, every lawyer will give you an educated guess, or base their response on a similar case, but they will surround any suggestion of an outcome with 101 disclaimers because the truth is, they don’t really know.

How could a lawyer who has practiced in a particular county for a few years or a few decades not know for sure? The dissolution of a marriage or a domestic partnership is a transaction governed by state laws and local bias. In family law court, there are two types of family law code, Community Property and Equitable Distribution, but there is wide interpretation of that code by judges across over 3,000 counties. Judges have a tremendous amount of latitude in the interpretation of how the law applies to each situation. It is widely known that even different judges in the same county might rule differently on the same set of facts which is often why lawyers will try to get a case moved to a different judge. Each and every family situation is complex and the issues and nuances unique, therefore it is impossible to know exactly what to expect should your case go to court. Most spouses do not realize the degree to which the local bias and judge can impact the outcome. Sometimes just the tenor of the cases heard in the morning can affect the judge’s reaction and ruling to a case heard that afternoon. The lack of predictability around what spouses often believe are clear paths to a fair and equitable settlement is unsettling.

This is precisely why it is imperative to spend time educating yourself  about Divorce and Community Property http://www.seasonsofdivorce.com/CommunityProperty organizing the facts Get Organized developing forward-looking budgets and if at all possible, actively contributing to a creatively structured settlement that avoids court altogether. This will allow you to better participate and contribute to the outcome of your own case. This is your divorce- don’t let it happen to you.

How could a lawyer who has practiced in a particular county for a few years or a few decades not know for sure?

It is also important to note that how it is supposed to work and how it actually works, are two very different concepts. The law dictates, for example, that each spouse provide full and complete financial disclosure, but what if they don’t? A parenting plan is meant to be legal and binding, but what if one parent simply decides to ignore it? These and other situations are the reality of how it actually works, and it is so frustrating, but that is the current system.  Depending on the court, the judge, and myriad other factors, it can feel as if no one cares and no one can or will make your spouse do what he/she is supposed to do. We know. We don’t have all the answers, but we absolutely do know that whenever possible it is better to design the outcome with your spouse rather than risk a third party’s interpretation. it is essential to your mental health, your family’s emotional health and your financial future to be empowered with education, financial tools, parenting tools and a mindset to complete this detour and get back on the main road. That’s where Seasons of Divorce comes in, helping you to create an outcome that will prepare you for the transition of your lifetime.

The materials available at this web site are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Use of, and access to, this Web site or any of the e-mail links contained within the site do not create an attorney-client relationship between Dtour, Inc., dtour.life or any affiliate of Dtour, Inc. Seasons of Divorce and the user or browser.  Any opinions expressed at or through this site are the opinions of the individual author and may not reflect the opinions of Dtour, Inc. or dtour.life or Seasons of Divorce

 

Is Your State a Community Property State? What is Community Property?

 

Let Seasons of Divorce keep you on track to a
the favorable outcome with the dtour life app
Be Advised always check
to make sure which laws govern your state concerning Community Property.
https://blog.nolo.com/estateplanning/tag/community-property/

Community Property Divorce – The Basics

Storey Jones

We have two different types of Family Law in our country, “Community Property and Equitable Distribution.” These laws provide the basis for which financial settlements in divorce cases are settled, or ordered, so it is important to understand how the specific state law applies to the facts in your case.

What is Community Property Law?

In Community Property states, marital property is divided into “two separate, undivided one-half interests.” Most people think of this as everything is split 50/50, but is it really that simple? Well, yes and no. So let’s first explore a few basic concepts. (This applies only to assets and debts. Spousal Support, or Alimony/Maintenance, and Child Support is handled differently and will be discussed in a separate article.)

What is Marital Property?

All of the assets and debts accrued over the life of the marriage are considered marital property. This includes everything from the earned income deposited into checking accounts, to the car purchased together with that earned income, to the credit card debt that was acquired while on vacation. Those marital — or “community property” — assets and debt will be split 50/50. This seems simple enough, but it gets more complicated.

Valuation of Marital Assets

Before a marital asset can be distributed, spouses must agree on the value of the asset. Often that means procuring real estate appraisals, business valuations, art appraisals, investment data, etc. If spouses don’t agree, or don’t have the data sufficient to identify value, the process to procure values can be time consuming and expensive.

What is Separate Property?

Separate Property is defined as any asset, such as real estate, vehicles, artwork, retirement accounts, cash, etc., that was owned by one spouse before the date of marriage, as well as all gifts and inheritances received during the dates of marriage. Separate property can also apply to a debt such as a student loan or credit card debt that was acquired prior to the date of marriage.

What is a Separate Property or Community Property Claim?

There are many situations where a spouse might have a separate property claim on an asset. For example, if there was a contribution to an asset from separate property funds, such as the down payment amount for a house, then that might constitute a separate property claim on that down payment amount, without an increase of value. Or, if a spouse has a separate property asset, such as a house that he/she owned prior to marriage, and then during the marriage, marital funds were used to pay down the mortgage, then the other spouse has a community property claim on that asset.

Why are Separate Property Claims Complicated?

1. Changing Character of Separate Property

Often a separate property asset can transition to a marital asset if it was treated as such during the marriage. For example, if a spouse deposits an inheritance or gift into a joint account, that co-mingling of assets can affect the character of the asset and in some cases that inheritance or gift would no longer be classified as separate property.

2. Burden of Proof

The spouse who claims an asset as separate property has the burden to prove it. Without an agreement between the spouses or sufficient documentation, often the claim will not be upheld by the court.

Getting Started with Divorce in a Community Property Law State

To sum it all up, Community Property settlements are guided by the 50/50 rule, but as we all know, the factors the court considers when determining that 50/50 split is subject to interpretation. This is where identifying and detailing the background and financial facts in your case, and obtaining legal advice about your county laws, is so important.

Understanding how your court would likely rule — based on the facts of your case –can help you create a strategy that minimizes the amount of time, expense, and emotion you need to invest into achieving a creative settlement in mediation, the collaborative process, or between attorneys. (Remember, in most cases, a settlement means that you and your spouse agreed to terms that you both can live with as opposed to having those terms forced upon you by the court.)

The case profile and financial tools we have designed at dtour.life will help you to document your marital and financial information in a way that will more efficiently enable a lawyer to give you specific legal advice based on all the facts in your case.    Seasons of Divorce

The materials available at this web site are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Use of, and access to, this Web site or any of the e-mail links contained within the site do not create an attorney-client relationship between Dtour, Inc., dtour.life or any affiliate of Dtour, Inc. and the user or browser.  Any opinions expressed at or through this site are the opinions of the individual author and may not reflect the opinions of Dtour, Inc. or dtour.life.

 

Divorce Road Signs

At Seasons of Divorce
we help manage the Workflow of Divorce with Dtour

Divorce Road Signs

1.    We have a LEGAL system, not a JUSTICE system.

No one knows what will happen in court except that no one wins.

2.    Do not hire the first lawyer you meet.

Interview more than one lawyer to compare philosophies.

3.    Divorce is more than a full-time job; it is ALL consuming.

Do not underestimate the amount of work required; don’t be fooled into thinking that your lawyer will take care of everything. Pace yourself.

4.    Do not be a passive participant in your own divorce.

This is your family, your business contract. Educate yourself, take the time to ask questions, understand your finances, develop a budget, so that you can make informed decisions that you can live with.

5.    Be very selective about the voices in your ear.

Emotional support is one thing, but stay focused on a constructive process, not a destructive one because of what your friends and family think about your soon-to-be Ex or tell you that you should do.

6.    Do not expect your spouse to make-up or “pay” for emotional pain.

Punitive damages for emotional stress do not exist in family law; emotions are expensive. Focus on a settlement and an exit rather than spending resources on illusory pay-back or punishment.

7.   You know your spouse better than anyone; trust your intuition.

No one knows your spouse better than you do; don’t allow the professionals to dismiss any legitimate concerns you may have. Be the architect of a process that can be successful for both you and your spouse.

7.    Lawyers are capable of escalating adversity with the simple stroke of their pen.

Some lawyers use a writing style in communication with opposing counsel that is rude and condescending to the other spouse. This is not a requirement of the process. Escalated conflict means greater cost and rarely does it lead to a more generous settlement. Not all lawyers are created equal, so while there are family law attorneys who are complicit in needlessly escalating adversity and churning fees, there are many reasonable, ethical, strategic, and solution-oriented attorneys. It is worth taking the time to find them. Do your research.

9.   Temporary Insanity

The overload of emotional triggers is so profound that there isn’t one spouse who doesn’t utter, at one point or another, “I don’t recognize my spouse, this isn’t the person I married” (and if they are really honest with themselves, “I don’t recognize myself”) Try to step back and allow some space for temporary insanity. It is just temporary.

10. Respond, do not react, to inflammatory email, voice mail or calls.

Allow space for reaction. Don’t be fooled into engaging with the bully. The process tests everyone but will ultimately reach resolution.

11. If you are married to “crazy,” all bets are off.

We do not have a system that is capable of protecting spouses from personality disorders that affect another spouse’s ability to compromise or participate in a rational process. Be aware, do your research and consider alternate expectations of an outcome that at least provide an out and an end.

We hope this will help you to navigate the divorce process and to avoid the common pitfalls of divorce.

 

The materials available at this web site are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Use of, and access to, this Web site or any of the e-mail links contained within the site do not create an attorney-client relationship between Dtour, Inc., dtour.life or any affiliate of Dtour, Inc. and the user or browser.  Any opinions expressed at or through this site are the opinions of the individual author and may not reflect the opinions of Dtour, Inc. or dtour.life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Divorce? Things to Do…

 To Do If Divorce Is Your Only Option 

If you’re convinced that your marriage is irretrievably broken and you’re headed for divorce, here are some steps to take. 

Talk to an attorney.  

Know your legal rights and responsibilities. Know the consequences if you decide to take the children and live at your parents’ house until the divorce is final. From a legal point of view, moving to your parents’ home, even if it is temporary might be a huge mistake. 

Get copies of documents.  

Go through household files and make copies of everything you can find: tax returns, bank statements, check registers, investment statements, retirement account statements, employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, mortgage documents, financial statements, credit card statements, wills, Social Security statements, automobile titles, etc. In the case that your spouse is self-employed, you should gather as much information as possible about the finances of the business. Create copies of any financial data stored on your home computer. Get Organized 

Make an Inventory of household and family possessions. 

List the major items: furniture, artwork, jewelry, appliances, automobiles, etc. Don’t forget to check the storage areas of your home and include valuables in your safe deposit box. 

Being aware of all the marital assets is important when it comes time to divide the property. 

Know the household budget and expenses. 

If possible, go through your check register for the past year and write down each utility, mortgage, and other household expenses for each month. Keep track of the cash you spend on a daily basis so that you’ll be able to verify your monthly cash expenditures also. Budget Worksheet 

Determine how to manage debt.  

Determine debt, you may want to pay it down before divorce. The division of marital debt among divorcing spouses is one of the most difficult items to negotiate. Determine whether any of the debt was incurred by one spouse or the other prior to the date of marriage. This is “non-marital debt” and the spouse that incurred it is responsible. 

Find out exactly what your spouse earns. 

If your spouse earns a salary, get a pay stub; if your spouse is self-employed, owns a business, or receives any portion of income in cash, do your best to keep track of the money flowing in for several months. It might be easiest to look at tax returns.  

If you think it’s possible your spouse is trying to conceal money from employment, you may have to do some more research.

Know your earning potential.  

You may have been out of the workforce for a while raising children or have been a housewife. You may need to decide what your earning potential might be and consider furthering your education prior to divorce.  

Know your own credit history.  

If you do not have credit cards in your own name, apply for them now, use them, and establish your own credit history. If you have poor credit try to pay creditors now and improve your own credit rating prior to divorce. 

Build a “nest egg”.  

You should always have money of your own. If your spouse moves out and stops paying bills, you will need to pay them until temporary support orders can be entered. Should you decide to file, you’ll need money for a retainer.  

Make your kids your priority.  

Keep your children’s routines as normal as possible during this process. If you and your spouse cannot be together with the children without arguing, schedule separate times for each of you to be with the children. Be involved in your children’s school, sports, and social activities. Do not talk bad about your spouse to your children they need to know it is ok for them to love you both. Make their feelings your first concern. 

GET INFORMED 

It’s important to be aware of all the potential issues you’ll face, as well as understand how the divorce process works.


								
Seasons of Divorce Coaching Service, Shari Frasure
CDC Certified Divorce Coach National Association of Divorce Professionals
859-644-9024  coach@seasonsofdivorce.com
www.seasonsofdivorce.com

 

 

How do the children feel when their home is on the market?

Have you ever thought about how the children feel when their divorcing parents are selling their home?

 

Many times the children aren’t given a thought.

How will they feel when they arrive home from school and see a

“FOR SALE” sign in their front yard?

 

Is there something you can do to make it easier? Could you remove the sign during the hours the child would be home? Talk to the seller about limiting having the house shown when they are present? You could ask the parent that is staying in the home which door the child enters when they return home and put the lock box on another door?

One of the hardest things for them could be having their room organized and someone moving their things…some children are very dependent on things that make them feel safe and secure and can cause them more anxiety than they are already experiencing.

Even when their isn’t a divorce involved sometimes children can be spared from fears that they will be moving.
#divorceandchildren

When will I be loved? Overwhelmed by Divorce?

Divorce is overwhelming.   Emotions will be out of control, it will feel like you will never be okay again. 

You may think to yourself “will I ever find someone that I can love?” Other thoughts may be that you are worthless and unwanted. ” What in the world am I going to do or who do I need to turn to?” you may ask.  There will be hours on the phone with your girlfriend or someone else in your family or a close friend.  It is just a crazy time and irrational thoughts will abound, and panic will set in.  You may think that you just want to run away or I don’t want to live.  All of these thoughts and reactions are NORMAL and to be expected.  If you don’t experience most of these you are a very strong person but having these thoughts don’t mean you aren’t strong it just means you are normal.

Your family will tell you go get the toughest divorce lawyer you can or just take them to the cleaners, get what is coming to you so in the end you feel like you got the justice you deserve.  What is justice?  Who decides what is fair?  Do you want to be in control of that decision?  

Possibly the best step for you now is to find someone who is unbiased and not interested in the end result just because they gained monetarily.  As a divorce coach, my primary interest is helping you make decisions for you personally and your family’s financial future.  I want you to make a decision based on facts.  To be empowered because you know your financial situation and have a clear path and plan to avoid “throwing in the towel”.

If you feel you could benefit from having a “thinking partner” by your side throughout and beyond the divorce process contact me for a free discovery session.

Message me at 859-644-9024 or

https://www.facebook.com/seasonsofdivorce